You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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