the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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