are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
