Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
