Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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