turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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