this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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