i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Randomize
