Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
