ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
