I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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