He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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