you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
