Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.

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(713): View more from Texas

Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together

Fav 15 1938 2882
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.

Fav 11 3084 1772
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(228): View more from Mississippi

I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?

(601): View more from Mississippi

probably "functioning vagina, must touch"

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(425): View more from Washington

It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out

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(856): View more from New Jersey

The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over

Fav 2 866 518
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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.

Fav 0 23 36
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(361): View more from Texas

At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...

Fav 0 44 13
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