I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Vodka?
Forever.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
