i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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