...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
