I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
