You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
