I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
