its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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