You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
