woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
