I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
