ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
