The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize