I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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