I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize