she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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