you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
