who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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