so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
