i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
