Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
