We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
