I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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