just survived the first fart of the relationship.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
