He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
