I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
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