dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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