my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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