i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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