Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
