genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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