Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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