I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
