Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I met the friendliest cop last night
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
