I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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