I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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