she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
