First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
