I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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