Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
