I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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