It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize