ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
