dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
