dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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